Six of the most powerful questions you can ever ask yourself
in any moment are to do entirely with who you “think” you are. They include the following:
1. Am I this emotion?
Peace. I can’t hear myself say, “Peace” aloud without thinking of Ralph Smart and his announcing: “Peace! Infinite Waters” aloud to begin each of his videos. I’ll share one of his videos on this post and you’ll see what I mean.
Is peace the emotion I’m experiencing right now? Amongst others, yes. I’m looking through my screen at leaves and occasionally petals (are they heavier, or more fixed?) being lightly tossed in a slightly cool breeze.
A phone call from a friend loving her walk in a park with her dog and our exclamations about having a lovely morning drew me to a monthly weather forecast online. I’m overjoyed to see the remainder of the month may well all contain temperatures under 100 degrees. Hallelujah! (You may in turn rejoice you can’t hear me sing that!)
So, Am I peace? I am not. I cannot, in all honesty, even say I would like to be. A near constant rub for me is that I seem to (despite all my protestations) be quite attached to being human. Perhaps, I am even too attached to being human. And humans, alas and alack, most definitely are not “peace”.
Let me try looking from a different direction.
2. Am I this thought?
Curious came to mind. I’ll take it. Am I curious? Is that WHO I am?
I AM curious a lot. “It’s all compared to what” is something I say a lot, and it applies here. Could boredom be the counterpart to curious? For example, I AM curious about my across the street neighbor, especially when I knocked on his door a couple of weeks ago and explained my need for his help, and he unblinkingly said “no”, he wouldn’t be doing that. And, so now, for the last two weeks I’ve been curious, does he feel badly (at all) about turning me down, does he ever think about that incident and if he does, does he have any feelings about it? Has anyone in the neighborhood ever detected him having feelings about anything? You, no doubt, can detect my curiosity. Can you also suspect my boredom? Two sides to the same coin, perhaps. So, no, I don’t believe I AM curiosity. And, I can be almost infinitely curious, but that is not all of me, either.
3. Am I this physical sensation?
Am I hunger or hungry? I could see this precipitating a generational fight. Son: “I’m hungry. I’m going to pop some popcorn.” Mom: “You get out of the kitchen. Go play some basketball. You just ate.”
Thank goodness, I clearly AM not my sensations. Of course, I’m only thinking of sensations I could live without. Now, there are some . . . .
4. Am I this circumstance? WOW! This question could cause a serious internal debate.
Just for example now, may I refer to my book and the title/url for this blog. All of that can be tied back to my deciding to write from my thirty years being diagnosed bipolar united with my firm conviction no one has to be bipolar all their life. And, please don’t shoot me for this, I also believe no one has to be Type 1 diabetic all the remainder of their life either.
I bring that to the fore, because the sciences appear to remain flummoxed (and these two illnesses are not the only ones, either) as to what brings about their debilitating symptoms and can they suggest any hope for a cure.
Thirty-four years ago I watched a dear, dear child, who had just turned eight years old, shrink seven pounds over one weekend, paling more and more under towhead (which is accompanied by pale skin) hair, displaying symptoms I thought led me to a diagnosis (I am no doctor, not even close). Of course, my doctor could not allow my fears to dictate what the results of his tests and own thought process would ultimately tell. Now thirty-four years later, he sports an insulin pump.
I am grateful he lives and accomplishes all he does, and his father and I maintain our hopes that a “cure” will be found while we yet live.
The question remains a beggar, however. In both cases where the illness remains. Of course, in neither case does the illness define the human being.
Or does it? One of us is a believer (of sorts). One of us is not. I say that ill-advisedly, of course. Let’s just take my illness. I can tell you that writing a book about it (limited primarily to my perspective, of course) has taught me that the term “dive deeper” has a quality I have never before realized. I have absolutely no question at all that I AM the one who holds me back. I am the “hesitator”. I AM the reason the diagnosis still holds. And, feel totally free to trust me or not, I AM the one who can change that.
No. I am not this circumstance. I AM in the process of changing this very one. I am not any circumstance. I AM way more than that.
5. Am I this body? The mouldering one? I think not. I AM thankful to have it though.
6. Am I this personality? This, and several others. Please feel free to comment here.